Do you remember Second Life? Yes, yes, that virtual world where people spent thousands of dollars to buy a plot of land and saw it as an investment. You surely remember, how could you not, since even TV news made a fuss about it! It was the 'game' that promised you money if you worked making objects and scripts. Enough to support your family! The same virtual world where you could set up a shop to sell your merchandise, both virtual and real, in exchange for beautiful Linden dollars (L$). Where you could work as a prostitute just by creating a nice custom skin to tease customers.
Well, that virtual world still exists, after 15 years, and of all the above, the only thing left are the prostitutes. And since it had been almost 12 years since my last visit (the last time being when I used it to write this article from 2006), I decided to take a look around.
Second Life, Twelve Years Later...
My journey through Second Life began with a surprise: that account I had created 12 years ago, it still existed! So I dusted off the associated email, recovered the password and... voilà! I was back in my Second Life, with an account 12 years old, which gave me absolutely no benefit. First step: look for adventures and places to explore.
After seeing the available options, I decided to enter a place where there was no one, to reacquaint myself with the controls and not embarrass myself. It wasn't difficult. The vast majority of hubs are deserted, totally devoid of souls. So my first destination was Aine's Garden, a small and lonely nook where I was the only visitor. A very pretty place, based on the fantasy genre, with unicorns, rainbows, giant flowers to sit on, etc. All very nice, but lacking in substance. Just a place, with nothing to do, other than wander aimlessly.
The same happened when I passed through Innsmouth, the city from the famous story by H. P. Lovecraft. The place is well recreated. Grim, full of details and totally explorable. But that was it. A recreation with no other purpose than to exist and absolutely nothing to do, completely empty. Right then I asked myself: who keeps these places online? Because their existence costs their creators money, hundreds of dollars. The answer came in the form of a sign: "Save Innsmouth", it said, and asked for donations in L$ to keep the place running. At the time of my visit, in total, they had raised about 130,163 L$ (514 real dollars).
I was getting bored! But surely it was my problem, since I was avoiding places with people because of my social anxiety. And this, of course, is a virtual world for socializing. Well, enough wandering through desolate places! Searching through the day's events, I found the perfect place for a guy like me: a festival in honor of Lovecraft, on the occasion of his recent anniversary. Twenty-five attendees, a fairly decent schedule of events, and all completely free.
It wasn't bad at all. I listened to some metal, exchanged a few "Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!" with the attendees, and stayed to listen to the reading of some excerpts from the stories of the master of cosmic horror. But the truth is I was still bored. If it weren't because I was obliged to tour the place a while longer to write this article, at that point I would have disconnected and called my return to Second Life over.
But no, I forced myself and went to an amusement park. The problem? To get on the rides... you had to pay! Now think about it, dear reader: what sense does it make to spend money to see your character spin on a carousel horse for thirty seconds? No, seriously, think about it. Because that's the biggest problem with Second Life. Everything is futile, vain, irrelevant, devoid of reason, stripped of real substance. Am I the bitter one or is it really utter stupidity?
The Brothels of Second Life
Angry, I wanted to go where we all know the juice of Second Life is: the brothels! There was indeed a bit more people there, averaging about 30 attendees per 'adult world'. I took off my clothes (because if we're going to do it, we do it right), grabbed a free penis (from the box of free penises) to attach to my avatar, and started wandering around. Some prostitutes offered me their services (I told them "no, thank you", in case you want to know), a girl sent me a link to Ebay to buy a very nice dildo that (according to her) was artisanal, and an elf messaged me privately to ask if I didn't want a CAM show, which would only cost me 1,000 L$ for an hour of 'company'.
Then, while I was fascinated watching an overweight unicorn dance naked (hating me for enjoying it), a user contacted me and said, literally, in English: "an 11-year-old user acting like an hour-old user". Ha ha, very funny, MilliM. If I get stuck in walls it's because my connection sucks and I have LAG, not because I'm a fool! MilliM, anyway, turned out to be a nice guy. We chatted for a while, I explained that I had only used the account once, almost 12 years ago, out of pure curiosity, and that now I was back to see how things had progressed. "A lot of harmless fun", he told me. "And now I'm off to the HELL of the real world", he added before leaving. I didn't know how to take his last words, so I continued watching the overweight unicorn dance a little longer (and no, I'm not going to show a picture of that).
Having had enough of naked avatars in poses that would make Cicciolina blush, I wanted to go to the game area. But I couldn't. I had to have my credit card information associated with the account. Apparently, those games give prizes in virtual currency so you have to pay to participate. Yes, of course. I don't go to casinos in real life, and I'm not paying for a virtual one, even as a joke!
The Emporium of Freebies
My last stop in Second Life was the most fun. It was a place called 'Freebie Galaxy', an emporium with fifteen floors full of free things to customize your avatar, among other knick-knacks. I bought myself several pants, some glasses, tattoos, different skin colors, a jet ski, and various 'body shapes', among other things. I even became a woman (and a very pretty one at that)! Also, I saw a giant dragon flying through the skies and a Pikachu harassing the girls walking around. I never used my jet ski, because enough is enough. I already had plenty of material to come and write this little chronicle! Or did I?
The Conclusion?
Look, today Second Life is a glorified chat room. Honestly, I don't know if it was ever anything else. The place is huge, full of hubs, but it's mostly deserted. There's nothing to do, or at least nothing substantial. Almost everything costs money (except the penises, of course) and everywhere there are signs trying to sell you something. It's a dumping ground of ads for all kinds of services.
Personally, I had to force myself to stay there to have something more or less interesting to tell you, and I think even that didn't pay off. And it was curious, because while I was touring Second Life, I kept minimizing the window to chat with my friends on Facebook. I think that's the real problem for Linden Lab's virtual world: social networks are our true second life and they don't need so much paraphernalia to keep us captive.
Well, that's it.
