Pregnant SpiderElsa and Other YouTube Videos with Tens of Millions of Views

We still haven't recovered from the shock of bootleg children's games, and now we've come across a new nightmare. YouTube has been flooded with hundreds of kids' videos with titles like: "Baby Poop vs. Minnie Mouse", "Maleficent Has a Baby with Spider-Man (with Frozen Elsa, Joker, and Superman)", "Pregnant SpiderElsa vs. Pregnant Pink Spidergirl". Pure cancer, but a cancer that, while poisoning YouTube's veins, generates hundreds of thousands of dollars for its creators. Come get outraged with us!

Marina is a mother of two. Filomena is 2, she likes chocolate and hates pumpkin puree. She still needs help going to the bathroom, getting dressed, eating, and, as if that weren't enough, she loves playing with sharp objects. Natariel is, like all 5-year-olds, also quite unbearable. He requires constant attention, gets very jealous of his sister at every moment, and is famous for his tantrums and whining, one of which lasted two hours and twenty-five minutes by the clock. Marina can't keep up. Her husband leaves for work at 7 in the morning and returns, if he's lucky, at 6:30 or 7 in the evening, if there's not too much traffic or pending stuff at the office. It's not that Marina hates her kids, although more than once she thought about shooting herself; it's just that for 5 years her life has no longer been her own, but that of her offspring, who are not the most understanding beings on the planet.

All this, of course, until Marina learned of the sedative power of the Internet. Instead of putting Prozac in their milk to keep them a bit calmer, Marina opted for a (slightly) healthier option: putting her offspring in front of the screen and letting YouTube take care of them for a while!

Marina is not a real person, but her story is real, and it repeats in millions of homes around the world. And little kids, who are generally a bit dumb until they grow up a bit, love watching stupid stuff. Things unpalatable to the rest of humanity, like the Teletubbies. Otherwise, it's hard to explain videos like the one below... or that they have so much success!

Seriously. What you just saw exists, it's real. Someone dressed as Minnie Mouse changes the dirty diapers (disgustingly dirty) of a toy baby, while a guy dressed as Joker steals her. Then some dogs appear, and then the baby poops on the face of Batman's archvillain. That's where I had to stop watching because I couldn't stomach it anymore, but I'll give you a fact that will make you lose all faith in humanity: that video has almost 32,000,000 views and is monetized. Do the math on how much money these people made in an afternoon of work!

The number of views these monstrosities get makes many YouTube users believe in fraudulent "viewbots" (programs that automatically add views), but I blame the little demons and their tired parents, who foster such peculiar bad taste for the sake of an afternoon without so many screams and tears. I've experienced it myself: a while ago, fascinated by the phenomenon and wanting to make some extra money, I set up a small YouTube channel with children's videos. Gaming stuff, short clips of cartoons, children's songs with open rights, etc. I probably spent a week working on it, and to this day, that channel leaves me about $10 a month, with only 15 videos uploaded. One of those videos almost reached a million views in a year! I stopped uploading content simply because so much silliness was frying my brain and because I didn't need that muuuuch money. Maybe I did wrong, because at the time this article was published, the following video had 231,412,642 views. We're all crazy!

The case, for those who read the article on bootleg children's games, is very similar. They use characters that have millions of followers without official authorization, they produce mediocre videos, one like the other, in industrial quantities, to flood YouTube searches, and they make good use of keywords and SEO. The videos are muted, the characters only express through gestures, the costumes are cheap, and there's no camera work of any kind. KA-CHING! Easy money. What I don't understand is why so much fixation on poop, pregnant women, and syringes, among other things. But for whatever reason, it's working wonderfully for these people.

All this shows that the system is a lie, that money doesn't come from working, and that future generations, in the not-too-distant future, are going to have serious psychological problems.

Conclusion: It's better not to procreate.